Someone who knows you well and can recognize when something is “off.”ĭepression has taken too many lives because of the shame it’s masked itself in. It doesn’t have to be the world or even two people but it needs to be one person. That’s why allowing yourself to be vulnerable, sharing your depression with another person, is so important for you to share this part of your life with someone. It hides itself in your mind in such a way that it slowly sucks the life out of you. The same is true of depression: you can’t see it. She will tell you and you will be able to remove it from your back thus “saving” your life. If, however, you aren’t by yourself and you’ve allowed a loved one to tag along with you on your leisurely swim, your friend will see the leach. If you continue the day by yourself the leach has his all you can eat buffet on your back, it’s slowly sucking the life out of you. You can’t feel it either after all you’re fine with life and all is dandy. If you’re by yourself there’s no way you’re going to see it. Minding your own business you play in the water and enjoy the summer day meanwhile, that leach creeps up on you and attaches itself to the middle of your back. You see, depression is like that pesky leach that attaches itself to your back when you’re sitting in the shallow part of a lake.
And just like that the problem was remedied. My sister took on the job of calling my husband to see if he noticed that things were off.Īgain, in a moment of clarity, divine intervention, I listened and heard what my mother was telling me. My mom took the job of calling me to chat about how I was just fine but not really fine. I’m sure there are more things that she looks for those are just the things I know are signs for me. Not cooking dinner or even caring about making any meals.Watching closely after each birth for the signs that something wasn’t working in my brain: You see, after my first bout of depression when my son was born my mom took it upon herself to be my guardian from afar. Maybe just maybe I should reach out for help? It was a fleeting thought and I had done a good job of telling myself that I was fine so clearly I didn’t need help. Until one evening something clicked inside of my head and I thought for a second that maybe life wasn’t as terrible as I thought it was. It was quick and there was no stopping it. I felt hopeless and the downward spiral began like the water draining from a bath. I was short-tempered and easily annoyed with life. My children didn’t really need me for anything more than a cook and maid. Thinking about how no one was reaching out to me and how my husband couldn’t love me because of my post-baby body. The days moved on in this slow yet steady pace and I kept drifting further and further away from reality. I would grin and bear it and make it to elementary school and then, surely then, I’d start to see some of the fruits of my selfless acts of love. I was just going plow through this time of my life when my children are little needy, greedy people.
My life consisted of giving everything to everybody and gaining nothing in return not even a “thank you.” I. I felt like my husband didn’t understand what I was going through with the addition of another child into our family I felt like he didn’t care at all. I felt lonely like I didn’t have a friend in the world. And slowly but surely the fines started spilling out of me as a way of telling myself it would be fine.
It was chaotic and loud and definitely a juggling act bouncing from one child to the next but I was fine. “How’s life with three kids,” I was asked by an acquaintance. Fine’s a funny word isn’t it? Most people use the word fine as a way to appease the questioner. Sure, things were a little crazy and chaotic having two older kids but I was fine. I was still feeling that motherhood high, looking at my darling daughter sleeping and I swear I could cry I loved her so much. It was after my six week doctor’s appointment and things were fine. The truth is that about seven weeks after Keira came into the world I started slipping back into my depression. I don’t know why I’ve not said anything about it or why I’ve been hiding it. Only a few close friends know and my family obviously. I’ve been harboring a secret for the past month or so.
DEPRESSION IM FINE HOW TO
How to Find Compassion For Yourself and Break Free From the Noise In Your Head
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